Tuesday, November 30, 2010

you think you know... but do you?

plenty of young gay men, more than 20% of gay men under 25, even now, some 29 years into the hiv/a.i.d.s epidemic, dont know their own status, dont believe they are at risk for the virus, dont know the status of their sexual partners, dont ask, and figure that if the guy was sick, i could tell... he answered my craigslist ad, where i specified d n d (drug and disease) free so he must be clean... most guys on the down low, men who have sex with men but dont identify as gay, dont know their hiv status and often dont think they're at risk cause their "not gay"... or wont get tested because going to a clinic, or to the family doctor to get an hiv test is a dead give away that you're having sex with men...

my conversations with guys, especially guys in their mid 20s to early 30s, leads me to believe that there is a lot of denial and self delusion out there... their behavior belies their status... claiming that their clean and freaking out when the dude theyre with discloses that he is hiv+; that they'd never been with anyone positive before, but just 30 seconds ago, they were willing to bareback flip fuck.. and even wanting to or getting high before play... if thats their m.o., their prolly positive and just dont know it....
they based their choice of sex partners on among other things, a false assumption; are they guilty of a crime if they pass the virus on, not knowing their status even though they engage in risky behavior with other dudes who are positive or who don't even know their own status either?

consenting adults, both hiv+ and not, and not knowing, have to be responsible for their own sexual health and safety... i think we have a responsibility to each other to full disclosure as well.. and i think that intent and mental state are mitigating factors in the decision to file criminal charges against someone who is hiv+ and doesnt disclose... its complicated... are drugs involved? what about shame? the lost, sick, lonely pariah feeling you get when you disclose and the dude you're with freaks out and flees... after a few times, it might just feel easier to say nothing, and assume that the dude assumes you are... positive.. or to omit that detail, and only come clean when asked.... even if thats after you cum up his ass...

you think you know, but do you?
do you?

~ cheers... david


  1. I'd like to think that I'm fairly careful. I mean, I've never hooked up and have no intention of doing so. All of the guys I've been with, I've asked them to go into great detail what/who they've done before being with me. My first boyfriend was about to pull out his last three test results to prove that he's clean lol.

    Still, I can think of other times when I probably should've been more careful. For example, I never actually looked at the test results when he pulled them out; I just took his word for it.

    Great post, man. really got me thinking

  2. I'm agreeing with you on this, David!


  3. @ robbie & dean..
    its a crazy world... be safe... dont die for love.. sex is for now, high five is forever...
    live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse..... fail!

    ~ cheers...