the scout oath begins with these words... on my honor i will do my best...
i was reading a friends blog..
being closeted and telling friends and then creeping on whether its too much info too fast and does my friend still love me... blah blah blah...
some how, yeah.. some how.. we got to does being in the closet = lying? prolly my fault..
sigh, i have a way with words... and i jabber out of my ass sometimes... damn instant comments... moderate them please, save me from my big fat mouth..
k anyway...
is being in the closet akin to being a lying liar who lies, or are you protecting your privacy? it depends, right? the situation, the person, the risk..
ive been there, asked myself that, dealt with the aftermath of telling friends i thought i could trust and having it blow up in my face, been called a fraud, a liar, a faggot, you get the idea... camping out in the closet is kinda of like wrapping yourself up in the covers really tight so the boogie man doesnt get you... eventually you have to get up... mostly just to piss... to relieve yourself... wait, what?
in the military, under dont ask dont tell, lgbt people serving in silence say that they are forced to lie... about who they are.. who they love.. their backstories.. their families.. their lives... k, so.. just following orders, lying liars who lie, both? anyone? anyone? if its not lying, then what is it? pretending to be something youre not? is it a lie if you marry a person of the opposite sex just to hide out? are you lying to your kids? your spouse? your employer? and if you rail against lgbt people while living in the closet, whats that all about? maybe it comes down to personal motivations and flexible morality? deferring to discretion? wait, what?
im sure some dudes in the armed forces would, if they could, be sooo out, and others, even in the absence of dadt wound prefer to stay closeted... is it lying if you never actly deny your sexuality? what is it then if you are asked, point blank, "are you gay?' or "are you bi?" and you say no.... of course not... a lie? a white lie? a self-defense posture? and what about more subtle situations.... your with your dudes, and they are all scoping on hot girls and youre not... they ask you if you think so-and-so is hot? what do you say? do you demure, change the subject, lie and say yeah, or say nothing.. awkward silence.... k, not so much.... where does protecting your privacy stop and telling lies begin? is living a double life living half a lie and half a life?
ive been told by people that i have come out to, both men and women, mostly men, - women dont seem to mind that im gay, in fact they are usually thrilled, wtf? - that they felt lied to... deceived.. by people who love me regardless and by people that have chased me away for being gay.... am i a lying liar who lies? am i the great pretender? am i a fraud..? scared..? you bet... more like terrified... i didnt want this... life.. it is however, the life i was given... something about making lemons out of lemonade... the best of an unfortunate situation?
the boy scout oath begins with these words... on my honor i will do my best...
im an eagle scout.. course now im not allowed to be in scouts at all... but it would so not be my best or even honorable to deny my life, my truth, when i go out into the world... i am a fag. deal with it... would you rather i lied to you? pretended to be like you.. just to stay friends with you? when the shit hits the fan, better to be out n proud n honest i think, than to be a lying liar who lies...
- cheers.. david
