Tuesday, June 29, 2010

lying liars who lie...

dude...
the scout oath begins with these words... on my honor i will do my best... 
i was reading a friends blog..
being closeted and telling friends and then creeping on whether its too much info too fast and does my friend still love me... blah blah blah...
some how, yeah.. some how.. we got to does being in the closet = lying? prolly my fault..
sigh, i have a way with words... and i jabber out of my ass sometimes... damn instant comments... moderate them please, save me from my big fat mouth..
k anyway...

is being in the closet akin to being a lying liar who lies, or are you protecting your privacy? it depends, right? the situation, the person, the risk..
ive been there, asked myself that, dealt with the aftermath of telling friends i thought i could trust and having it blow up in my face, been called a fraud, a liar, a faggot, you get the idea... camping out in the closet is kinda of like wrapping yourself up in the covers really tight so the boogie man doesnt get you... eventually you have to get up... mostly just to piss... to relieve yourself... wait, what?

in the military, under dont ask dont tell, lgbt people serving in silence say that they are forced to lie... about who they are.. who they love.. their backstories.. their families.. their lives... k, so.. just following orders, lying liars who lie, both? anyone? anyone? if its not lying, then what is it? pretending to be something youre not? is it a lie if you marry a person of the opposite sex just to hide out? are you lying to your kids? your spouse? your employer? and if you rail against lgbt people while living in the closet, whats that all about? maybe it comes down to personal motivations and flexible morality? deferring to discretion? wait, what?

im sure some dudes in the armed forces would, if they could, be sooo out, and others, even in the absence of dadt wound prefer to stay closeted... is it lying if you never actly deny your sexuality? what is it then if you are asked, point blank, "are you gay?' or "are you bi?" and you say no.... of course not... a lie? a white lie? a self-defense posture? and what about more subtle situations.... your with your dudes, and they are all scoping on hot girls and youre not... they ask you if you think so-and-so is hot? what do you say? do you demure, change the subject, lie and say yeah, or say nothing.. awkward silence.... k, not so much.... where does protecting your privacy stop and telling lies begin? is living a double life living half a lie and half a life?

ive been told by people that i have come out to, both men and women, mostly men, - women dont seem to mind that im gay, in fact they are usually thrilled, wtf? - that they felt lied to... deceived.. by people who love me regardless and by people that have chased me away for being gay.... am i a lying liar who lies? am i the great pretender? am i a fraud..? scared..? you bet... more like terrified... i didnt want this... life.. it is however, the life i was given... something about making lemons out of lemonade... the best of an unfortunate situation?

the boy scout oath begins with these words... on my honor i will do my best...
im an eagle scout.. course now im not allowed to be in scouts at all... but it would so not be my best or even honorable to deny my life, my truth, when i go out into the world... i am a fag. deal with it... would you rather i lied to you? pretended to be like you.. just to stay friends with you? when the shit hits the fan, better to be out n proud n honest i think, than to be a lying liar who lies...


- cheers.. david

5 comments:

  1. I hate lies, and can't bring myself to tell them. Though I'm not counting white lies like surprise birthday presents, or telling Nan a softer truth.
    But it's different with being in the closet. I begrude no one their right to keep that part of themselves as private as they want. They may openly deny it, they may not...I hope the latter rather than the former, but either way I understand. I don't like when gay people get married and have kids with heterosexual partners, because that's hurting other people.
    I've never really understood when people feel lied to when a friend comes out. I mean, I understand, but I don't think they are in a position to be mad. They may be sad that they didn't know sooner, but swallow your pride and understand that the person coming out had to understand and accept themselves before they could come out to you. My best friend and I share everything, we are like sisters, but if she ever came out I wouldn't be mad. I'm sure it would feel somewhat hurtful that she didn't trust me sooner, but I would look past that and understand she needed her own time and that my hurt is just selfish. I can only hope I can give my friends, and future children, the impression that IF they need to come out to me I will be OK with it, because I would be hurt if someone thought I would take it badly.

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  2. When I decided to become an airman in 1994 it was the first year that the military could not directly ask that question and recruits could not tell if they were gay or bisexual. I remember when the recruiter got to that question on the form and he had to cross it out because the new updated forms were not available yet. In a way I felt like I did not lie since I wasn't asked the question. I also felt it was no one's business simply because heterosexuals don't have to verbally acknowledge it. My orientation was not an issue since I was not sexually active yet. It may not be the case for most gays to self-actualize their orientation by doing the "do" sorta speak. I had so many other priorities that coming out was not even on the radar. I gather that many guys in my flight in basic training were gay but we were all young and excited about the opportunities that lie ahead of us. You have to keep in mind that most people who enter the military come from very poor families like myself. The military was a way to escape generations of poverty and so many of our relatives who were veterans seemed to live a better life than those who just stayed home trying to survive.

    I say support our LGBT service members in ways that you know how and not see their choice as lying per se but as an act of responsibility to their families to become the men and women that they have always dreamed about. They know that people like us are out there supporting them in ways that they cannot because their priority is to protect our country with all of its beauty and mess. They have set aside their own individual interests for the greater good of this nation that we call home.

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  3. Thank you for your honesty, David!

    -Dean

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  4. @ dean.. sure... i hope no one thinks im calling anyone a liar... just asking a few questions and pointing out some inconsistencies.. when i was closeted i felt like i was lying to my family and friends... ymmv...

    - cheers... david

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  5. @ snooky... agreed... should the lgbt community insist that closeted service members are forced to lie in order to repeal dadt? or should our argument be different? some feel they are in fact being forced to lie.. im just pointing out the incongruity of being forced to lie in order to serve in an organization that values honor, duty, country above most everything else..

    - cheers.. david

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